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Tuesday, January 2nd, 2007
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12:33 am - happy new years.
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Well its January 1, 2007... feels like any other day.
New Years eve was awesome, I got to spend it with the people that I love, in a city that I love, and it didn't bother me that I didn't have someone special to kiss when I thought it would bother me even though I knew it shouldn't.
I don't know whats wrong with me today. We arrived back from charleston around 7 and went out to eat, we then came back to amandas house where we all took naps because we were going to go out after we all woke up. Unfortunately they decided when they woke up that they didn't want to go out and fell back asleep, but since I can only sleep a max of 6 hours a day I'll be up all night now.
I hate this feeling. I feel like no boy could ever love me. Like I'm used goods and I'm worthless now. I'm more insecure than ever and I used to push guys away because I was scared of what it might become... and now I just push them away immediately because I'm scared that I'll find out that they didn't really care for me... that they could never care for me.
I don't even know how to explain myself anymore. My friends know the things I say to him and they get upset with me. I'd rather them be upset with me for the things that I say than feel bad for me if I didn't say those things and find out that he really didn't care to have anything to do with me, other than hook up of course.
I don't have the emotional capacity for that. I care about people to much. Gosh, I haven't liked someone in so long... but I really liked him. I could never tell him that. He's not my "type".... but that turned out to be the amazing part... the fact that I was so intrigued by this guy whom I would usually have never taken a second look at. It's like all the silly little things we had in common made it worthwhile.. and I fell so fast. I never do that.
I couldn't tell if he really liked me. I got a lot of mixed signals, but apparently I'm pretty good at sending those myself. I convince myself sometimes that it was nothing, that he never really liked me and I'm using my mixed signals as an excuse to think his were any kind of signal.. and I just don't know.
He sent me a text message the other night that really hurt my feelings, I mean I honestly didn't know what to say so it all came out wrong. He told me that he didn't know if I wanted to do anything more than makeout with him so he never tried anything else. I think that was supposed to warrant some response like.. "of course I'd love to do more than make out with you." but it just crushed me... just the thought.. what if all this was just for that.. just so at some point, we could do more than makeout... but I can't explain to him that I don't hook up with people and have it mean nothing, because I don't want to scare him into thinking that we must be dating for me to even consider going any farther than that... even though I know thats a fair idea. I was intoxicated and I didn't know what to say so all that came out (over text messaging) was "I think we're different." What an awful response, I'm not sure what I was thinking. I mean.. I do know what I was thinking. I was thinking that I couldn't tell him that I'm glad that he had never tried to do anything else with me because I thought it meant that maybe he actually liked me, maybe this wasn't about that.. maybe he genuinely cared. I couldn't put nicely that he might be able to hook up with people when there aren't mutual feelings there, but I can't... and thats what I meant by different... and then came the response that really threw me for a loop.. he said something along the lines of "I don't know what you think my intentions are but I'm not trying to have a relationship with you." ouch.. was all I could think to myself. I feel like he thought I was scared that he wanted a relationship and that he needed to clear that up for me so that I wouldn't think he wanted something I didn't want. I didn't want that. I mean I certainly didn't expect a relationship out of all this because we're being realistic here.. and I've only liked him for maybe a month... but to totally demolish the idea.. of me.. it just hurt. I didn't tell my friends that he said that. I told them that I told him that we were different and left at that.. left it at me being the bad guy. After he told me that I sent him a text messaging asking him if we could end that conversation.. I didn't know what else to say, we sent some more back and forth after that but its all blurry. I apologized the next day, he responded and after that I haven't heard much from him. I wished him a happy new year and all I got back was a "you too". I invited him on a trip to charleston that molly organized that we're all supposed to bring dates to via facebook message and he hasn't responded, I'm sure he's gotten it but he probably doesn't know how to say no... just like he hasn't picked up for my new years phone call or even my sober phone call today. I think this is a fair giving up point for him. I know my friends didn't want me to give it up before like I was so ready to do, so not to get hurt, but I think that they would agree that this is over. It makes me sad, it makes me really sad, but its out of my control.. whats done is done and I can't do anything about it. I want to explain it all to him, tell him why I say the things I do and such but I'm scared that I'm over analyzing this and he hasn't even had a second thought about it.. just been busy, with his own stuff.
so...
heres the time I took the blame,
throw it on the fire.
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| Thursday, December 14th, 2006
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1:11 am - silly boys.
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I shouldn't waste my time. I'm good at being "asexual"... good at it. Being lonely never hurt as much as wasting time... you never realize what lonely feels like until you know what together feels like.
I push boys away... I'm good at that, really good at that. Unhealthy, eh? Unhealthy until your friends talk you out of pushing them away and it hurts way more than it would have had you let those walls stay up. It isn't my friends fault, I shouldn't push boys away... they're right, but when it doesn't work I'd like to think its not my fault either.
I don't express my feelings about boys to most people. I may develop a crush but I don't tell anyone because I don't want them to feel bad or know I'm hurt when it doesn't work out. Maybe I'd just rather not be reminded of it or maybe I'd just like to pretend that I don't need anyone...
I can't help but feel tainted, as if no one wants me and the only thing I'm good for is I seem as if I may hook up but then when I won't put out I'm just good for nothing.
Sometimes I rationalize with myself and convince myself that its okay to be hurt by someone, even if there was never anything serious... but then I convince myself that I was just interpreting everything the wrong way and I'm just being a silly girl... and I don't want to be a silly girl.
I'm sick and I can't really think right now, so I'll stop before it gets too sappy.
current music: jack's mannequin
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| Thursday, August 10th, 2006
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3:31 am - "The Perks of Being a Wallflower"
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I read an amazing book on the plane home. I was never exactly a wallflower but I could relate to the way the boy thought in so many ways. So many of the phrases were things that I have thought in my own head. It's such an inspirational book.
I underlined all of my favorite quotes...
"Charlie, we accept the love we think we deserve."
"I just hope I remember to tell my kids that they are as happy as I look in my old photographs. And I hope that they believe me."
"I don't know if it's better to be close to your daughter or make sure that she has a better life than you do."
"I hope the people who wrote those songs are happy. I hope that they feel it's enough. I really do because they've made me happy. And I'm only one person."
"And I thought that all those little kids are going to grow up someday. And all of those little kids are going to do the things that we do. And they will all kiss someone someday. But for now, sledding is enough. I think it would be great if sledding were always enough, but it isn't."
"I don't understand that. I would give someone a record so they could love the record, not so they would always know that I gave it to them."
"Especially since I know that if they went to another school the person who had their heart broken would have had their heart broken by somebody else, so why does it have to be so personal?"
"It's much easier not to know things sometimes. And to have french fries with your mom be enough."
"It suddenly dawned on me that if Michael were still around, Susan probably wouldn't be "going out" with him anymore. Not because she's a bad person or shallow or mean. But because things change. And friends leave. And life doesn't stop for anybody."
"She was sad, though. But it was a hopeful kind of sad. The kind of sad that just takes time."
"So why would I care whether or not he loved me, when he didn't really even know me?"
"I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons. And maybe we'll never know most of them. But even if we don't have the power to choose where we come from, we can still choose where we go from there. We can still do things. And we can try to feel okay about them."
I think that if I ever have kids, and they are upset, I won't tell them that people are starving in China, or anything like that because it wouldn't change the fact that they were upset. And even if somebody else has it much worse, that doesn't really change the fact that you have what you have. Good and bad."
last year i wrote...
People will always tell you that so many others have it much worse, but in the midst of it all, this isn't about anybody else, this is about you.
"We were just there together. And that was enough."
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| Monday, July 24th, 2006
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3:07 am - permanent love
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I'm not myself.
I'm not myself.
Funny, because I'm starting to think that maybe I'm in denial and the self I thought I was supposed to be is gone and this pathetic state I've been in lately is myself. I hope not. I came out here knowing that it would be hard. That its always hard. That this time it would be really hard. Everyone knows that I really screwed up this past year, it's not something that I try hard to hide because I've grown and learned from my mistakes. And it's certainly no secret that I let a certain boy affect my life in a really unhealthy way, bringing my friends down with my fall-- no, dive, into the deep end.
I always thought I was strong. I always focused on other people. That's why I was strong. Surprize, surprize... being strong for others was a mask for my own weakness. I've always run away from my problems and now they're all knocking on the door. You can only run for so long, before you become an emotional wreck that needs to go out every single night just so that your mind doesn't eat away at itself.
As far as relationships go, something is going to need to change. Whether its that I go to therapy or by some miracle I have an extreme boost of self esteem, the old theory that you have to be comfortable with yourself before you can be comfortable with someone else most definitely holds true in my life. I can tell myself that I'm a good person, that I deserve this, and that I have to let people in... but there's something in the back of my mind thats so scared, I guess that's why the certain someone killed me so much because I had to open up to him before I liked him... and I had to become comfortable with him before I really opened up and then there it was, hope, and then there it wasn't... heartbreak.
I don't need people. I need people to need me. I've always felt like my purpose in life is to be there for people, to let them know that they deserve this life and that everyone deserves love... all you need is love. The hardest lesson I've learned is that being someone for everyone leaves you alone in the end. The even harder part for me is... that can't change. Time is the hardest part of life, but I'll always be fighting time. There isn't enough time in an eternity for me to give my heart to every single person I care about, but I try and as much as I've crashed... the thought of my friends always brings me up, and I always remember that no matter what.. somewhere I am happy.
Here in Arizona I don't have my best friends. I feel needy, clingy, pathetic, and a bother. I'm not someone to separate my party friends from my real friends... I party with my real friends... but a month isn't much time to start over and say... this is real. I have so much fun with my friends out here, but at the same time I feel like they don't realize that I'm not just looking for a party, that I'm up for a party anytime but that if they're just sitting around, eating, watching tv, whatever, I'd be more than willing to stuff my face alongside them and have just as much fun if I was surrounded by a million people. It kills me when it seems as if my friends out here think I'm only calling them to look for a party or to get wasted... talking all night and laughing and eating and smiling is what I live for. I don't want anyone out here to feel like they're wasting their time with me since I'll be gone soon... 2000 miles away, and maybe they feel its just a waste to get to know me... so all they know is drunkard, maniac, makeout whore coles. I guess this past paragraph is the means of my most recent emptiness... that I don't want to be that girl... I want to know people, and I want them to know me, and I just feel like I'm not accomplishing that out here as much as I'd like to and its crushing me.
This journal entry is getting pathetic, I'm at a loss for words, and I should probably get some rest but first I'll clarify... I'm not unhappy, I'm lost... I'm not depressed, I'm scared... I'm not sad, I'm confused. But at the end of the day, I'm still happy with my friends, I can find myself through them, and I can be fearless in knowing that I have been blessed in having crossed some of the most amazing people that have ever walked this earth... as corny as that might sound, I live for the love I can give and receive.
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| Sunday, June 25th, 2006
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1:36 am
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After a long, exhausting day of airport screw ups, I'm finally here.
As soon as we got to the house my dad goes "get on the scale" and I said "no way, thats ridiculous, this is my first day..." and he said "I think you've gained weight" so I was just like "I know I've gained weight." I mean come on, its obvious. 30 pounds doesn't hide away.
I hope this is fun.
goals: get a tan, lose weight.
that's all I'm going to be concerned with right now.
my birthday is on monday :)
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| Tuesday, April 11th, 2006
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2:02 am - spring break oh six
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SPRING BREAK 2006
"why do you like it so cold??"
"CAUSE I LIKE MY BALLS TO BE NICE AND TIIIIGHT."
ridin' along in my automobile
my baby beside me at the wheel
cruisin' and playin' the radio...
with no particular place to go :-P
"your names are WHAT? grease money... lotta links and t-slanger?"
"no, REESE money, lotta LICKS and t-slanGA"
"uncle mike, i ate all the donuts"
"YOU WOULD EAT ALL THE DONUTS, I HOPE YOU GET FAT!!!"
*walk up to random guy in the bar*
"so uh... will you come to the pink pony with us? we have to be escorted by a guy..."
it was the heeeat of the moment
"But what if my clock says it's 9:30? Does that mean that I don't have to checkout until it says 11?"
"I accidently ate the wrong brownies"
JUMP ON IT
dick's waiter: i know.. you guys must be tight on money 'cause you're college students on spring break...
coles: actually... not anymore...
waiter: you guys stripped didn't you...?! AT DERRIERES!
"coles... i don't know how many times i've told you this... HIDE YOUR TITS"
you say i'm a dreamer, we're two of a kind
"girl, your hips DO lie."
going to dorianos three times in 2 hours
'cause every time we touch i get this feeling
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| Tuesday, October 18th, 2005
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12:00 am - I'll try not to cry.
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Maybe you didn't love me just as well as you should
and maybe you didn't care just as much as you could
but I'll tell you one thing I'd do if I could
I'd start it all over
when our love was sweet
and there was no ending
no bitter defeat
I'd take away the secrets
and tell you no lies
To prevent the tears
now swelling in my eyes
Now its too late
we've lived out our fate
so I'll try not to cry
when I tell you goodbye
To tell you I'm over you
would be a huge lie
but I'll try not to cry
when I tell you goodbye
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| Friday, September 9th, 2005
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1:16 am
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wow. i've made some amazing friends here, so amazing. just look how happy we are. http://community.webshots.com/user/colesywolesy
we look happy, don't we?
but underneath all that, i've seen all the girls cry. i've cried. we all have something in common. a boy. a stupid boy. they aren't worth it right?... but then again, obviously they're worth something. their lies, their facade... its all obviously worth something to us. we comfort eachother, but its not enough, its not the same, we all know it... but we don't say it. we feel eachothers pain, and we relate and we go out and we party and we have fun, but it only makes it go away for a little while, just a little while. we have eachother though. we know we'll get through this, we know we'll find someone else (even though i worry sometimes that maybe i won't) and we let ourselves be happy, but it takes time, everything takes time.
we go to parties to meet boys, but those aren't the type of boys i want to meet. i'm tired of random, i want someone that really cares, the way i thought he cared, the way i wish he cared. i miss it. i never thought i'd need a boy, i never thought i'd be like that.
theres more, but that will be saved for a private journal entry.
love you.
i miss everyone.
current music: dmb
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| Tuesday, July 5th, 2005
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4:13 am
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its bittersweet.
I miss everyone at home so much but I've met the most awesome people out here. I've met some of the most sincere people, I never want to let them go, but I hardly had any time to even get to know them as well as I'd have liked to. I've had enough time to see that they're such sweet people. They mean well in everything they do. Its hard when you fall in love with everyone. I even had a thought, that I need to stop traveling. I need to stop meeting people. I love everyone so much, its so hard for me to let go. But its so impossible to keep up with all of them. I do everything I can though. I regret giving some of the people here the wrong impression of me due to the whole thing that happened with taylor and my "rebuttal" because of it. The guys here were such a change of pace from the ones back home. In a good way. Hard to believe, but I really felt like they all have good intentions. I just want to tell them all how awesome I think they are and how amazing their character traits are, as silly as that sounds. Unfortunately I'm sure they'd all think I was insane, seeing as I've known most of them for like two weeks.
I definitely have Jayme to thank for being such a great guy who has great friends just like himself. I wouldn't change a thing about Jayme.
I guess I need to stop being lame now and be happy with what was. It was fun while it lasted.
So by far the best day of my life was saturday. I went tubing down the river, met some awesome guys, walked back to jaymes car with jayme and nicole and dum dum dum... I GOT FRIGGIN' BREATHALYZED!!! I guess the most exciting part about this is, I WASN'T DRUNK. The cops pulled up to Jaymes car as we were about to get in and the first one that pulled up was like "have you kids been drinking?!" and we were all like no, the next one pulls up (because they have to be in their gangs) and hes a huge jerk and they're like okay well we're only going to breathalyze one of you and jaymes like "you can do me, since I'm the driver" and both of the officers look at me... and they're like "we want her to do it." hahaha. I told a friend about what happened and he was like "coles, does that show you how retarded you are? the cops thought you were drunk even when you were sober." But the whole situation kept me smiling for the rest of the day. PLUS the officer gave me the thing I blew into as a souvenir and a cool hat.
Tubing was so much fun. Jayme and Nicole got pushed up against this rock in an immensely strong current and couldn't move and I couldn't stop laughing(as I held onto the cooler with my food in it for dear life.) I was smart enough to stand up while the water was still shallow so that I didn't hit this rock. Jayme and Nicole were hoping that magically the current wouldn't bring them to where they were so pricelessly stuck. If you knew Jayme, and you could imagine him with his knees to his chest being pushed up against a rock while yelling for help, you'd definitely understand my amusement. Jayme doesn't think it beats when we were at this party and I was jumping on the big trampoline and the persons dog gets on and I fall down and the dog attacks (humps) me for like 2 minutes while I'm struggling to get up and everyone is cracking up. I think it definitely beats it though.
X-hibit's "alcoholic" song is my theme song. So I've been told. oh well.
"I only drink in concentration."
"You mean moderation?"
I miss my mom.
Oh yeah. My plane leaves in 4 hours.
I should probably get some sleep.
<3
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| Friday, July 1st, 2005
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3:10 am
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| Sunday, June 26th, 2005
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1:19 pm - its my birthday!
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I have so much I want to write about, but then I don't. I miss everyone back home. I'm having a blast in Arizona, meeting all of jaymes friends and going shopping and spending time with my family. It really is fun. But I spend way to much time on the computer because I miss everyone so much. This is the last summer, the last summer after highschool, ever. and I'm 3000 miles away from everyone. Distance doesn't make me forget, though sometimes I wish it would(for him, that is). And maybe for my friends too because I'm afraid, no, I KNOW, they'll move on long before I do. No not in a couple of days or a couple of weeks, but a few years. And here I'll be, remembering, remembering how freakin' awesome they all were(are) and how much I miss the happy sad bad mad times we had together, always.
I know I'll make a ton of new friends at college, but that won't make the old friends any less special to me. I'm not really scared though. About going off to college, that is. Sometimes I worry a little bit, but that goes away. I'm extremely excited. of course. I probably should be scared though, considering I can't cook, clean or do anything of the sort and I can barely do laundry, but hey, I'll make do... and "home" is just a few hours away.
Every where I go, I just want to stay there forever. I feel like the fun times never end. Charlotte. Spartanburg. Arizona. (my travels of the summer). And it's all so wonderful. Everyday is that feeling of, "I never want this to end." But it has to. Everything has to end. But hey, I can drag it out till I'm all partied out atleast.
I miss you.
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| Friday, June 3rd, 2005
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12:35 am
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and who am i trying to kid you know? i'm waiting here for you to take everything back... and tell me again that we're perfect for eachother...
i'm kidding myself. thats who.
and i owe you all an apology. my friends that is. i love you all so much. i love you all more than any stupid boy that wastes my time with all of his lies, all of his lies intending to hurt me to raise his own self-esteem. and thats what it is. and here i am hurting and being sad when you are all here trying to cheer me up and make things better and how must you feel when your efforts seem meaningless, but they aren't meaningless, they do help me. you all make me smile so much and if it weren't for all of you, i wouldn't be me... and i wouldn't be as happy as i am without you guys, and i promised that i would never let a stupid boy mean more to me than my friends, and i never will, i NEVER will, because who has stuck by my side through all this stuff i've gone through with him when i should have let it go a long time ago... and even though you all kept telling me that i need to give it up the ENTIRE time... and i was stubborn and i never listened to you, you were still there. you told me he lied to me the whole time but you understood when i didn't believe you, not because i didn't trust you but because i didn't want to know that someone could really lie to me, but you stayed there. how can i repay you all, i'm afraid i've been foolish and you've all stuck by my side, those who i lost through the turmoil taught me a lot too, i don't need them, i need you guys, i would be nothing without my friends and i love you more than the world itself.
<333
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| Wednesday, February 23rd, 2005
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10:55 pm
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She realizes these two men cared more about amusing themselves and feeling loved and needed than they did about her as an individual.
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| Monday, February 7th, 2005
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3:25 pm
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Today was senior skip day. I was so going to go to school, I had EVERY intention of going.
We're in the process of moving, (still in dilworth though) and I'm all moved in. When I say I am, I mean JUST ME, the rest of my family still lives at our old house (where I am right now), so I was going to have to sleep all alone. I went to laurens to watch the superbowl, then I went and picked up shaun and kristen to take them home with me so that I didn't have to be alone. We stayed up super late and I couldn't fall asleep, it was cold because I couldn't figure out how to work the heat and I felt really crappy this morning, so when I woke up to go to school shaun and kristen were like "we don't want to go" and I was like .. come on guys... but they really didn't want to go and I was just like fine... so we slept in and then went to Ru Sans for the sushi buffet...mmmmmmm. Oooh yeah and we played dress up and watched she's all that last night!! it was a splendid slumber party, and since I'll probably be living all alone for another week or so... anyone is welcome to come over. ;) haha
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| Thursday, December 16th, 2004
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1:48 am - college!
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YAY. I found out that I got accepted to College of Charleston today!!!
I'm really excited. It's not my first choice, I won't hear back from Chapel Hill until the end of January, but I love Charleston and I definitely wouldn't mind going there.
plus it's in the top 10 party schools. WHICH IS DEFINITELY THE MOST IMPORTANT PART. Really just kidding, but it is... and that's exciting.
My mom is really excited for me, she loves charleston. My dad... not so much, I mean of course he's proud of me with whatever I do but he's really set on me going to college on the west coast, and I do love california... it's my favorite state but I don't think I'm ready to move 3000 miles away at this point in my life and going to charleston or chapel hill are the two best options for me.
California... I miss you... it was close... I really did consider... but now... I just can't. <3 I'll visit often. ;) haha
Well, I think that's all for now, I really should get to bed.
YAY. I love you :)
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| Saturday, December 4th, 2004
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2:56 am - take me to the place i love... take me all the way...
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oh beccaboo! i love you! sorry that i didn't spend that much time with you this week :(, i'm glad we got to hangout tonight though :) <3 <3 <3
here are some picturesss taken by my looovely rebecca for her art project, that she didn't use, i look like... i'm on drugs. haha
well i'm tired, i'm gonna go to bed now. -muah-
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| Tuesday, November 30th, 2004
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11:36 pm - the worst is over, you can have the best of me
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i'm in love with stephen from laguna beach. wow, he is so hot. he's going to san fran state... so i'm applying there... i mean that's not crazy.. obsessive.. psychotic... at all, right? ok, good! i'm applying to colleges in ca anyway, so why not that one? ;)
the most embarassing thing happened today... well first i have to tell you about yesterday, rebecca came over to take pictures of me for her art project so she had to put makeup on me and it took FOREVER for me to wash it off, so i was just thinking to myself... how can girls do this every day?!? so then i'm standing around with my friends and i'm trying to say "i'm glad that i don't wear makeup" but somehow, accidently i say "i'm glad i'm not a girl" talk about embarassing, we were all cracking up... i have NO idea why i said that, haha. then kelby brought her head up as mine went down and they banged together really hard, ouch. :-p
everyone take my quiz, it's super hard, but give it a shot ;)
http://www02.quizyourfriends.com/yourquiz_IM.php?quizname=041130160144-27937&email=&c=1&a=01
current music: the starting line
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| Monday, November 29th, 2004
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2:28 am - a sadness i can't erase...
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AQUA TEEN HUNGER FORCE WAS ON TONIGHT.
that made my night.
meatwad make the money see, meatwad get the honeys G.
it makes me sad knowing how many people have never seen this show... it's the best show ever! how could you not love this: 
i think that everyone is getting tired of me quoting this show though:-p especially those who have no idea what i'm talking about and can not understand the true greatness of it without having seen it.
thanksgiving break was so much fun. i actually didn't go out of town for once and i got to see everyone back home from college and it was so great. :) not only did i get to spend time with my bestest friend kristen and get to see my lovely rebecca-- home from boarding school, and get to see my friends home from college, i also got to spend time with some old friends from middle school and i met a lot of cool new people too. i missed my bed though, i spent the night out 4 out of the 5 nights :-p. i miss everyone so much again though.
amanda is coming to town next weekend :). i'm so excited because i haven't seen her in forever and i miss her so much.
grrr sleep is so dumb. i wish we didn't have to sleep, haha. i didn't get to sleep much at all over break and it sucks being so tired. i gave in and went to the tanning bed, so that i could have a little color... the paleness was killing me...
i thought a lot over break, a lot about how much distance sucks. distance ruins so many wonderful relationships... i know i've talked about this before in here, i just hate it so much. :(
"Never forget me, because if I thought you would, I'd never leave." -Winnie the Pooh
WINNIE THE POOH... i love you :)
i think that's all for now? thanksgiving break is over... sadddddddddd. i love you all :)
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(6 comments | comment on this)
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| Monday, November 22nd, 2004
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11:59 pm - name analysis
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Though the name Coles creates the urge to understand and help people, we draw to your attention that it causes an emotional intensity and sensitivity that is hard to control. This name, when combined with the last name, can frustrate happiness, contentment, and success, as well as cause health weaknesses in the fluid and nervous system.
Your first name of Coles has given you a friendly, likeable nature, and you could excel in artistic, dramatic, and musical expression. With this name, you desire the finer things in life, but you do not always have the resolve and vitality to put forth the effort necessary to fulfil your desires. Your emotional feelings are easily affected and you will always be involved in other people's problems as a result of your overly sympathetic nature.
wow. that's amazing. haha
http://www.kabalarians.com/
i did another one and one thing in particular really stood out to me:
coles :
You are a quick study, and can be self-taught. Your curiosity can get the best of you, but you must learn to concentrate. You have a great deal of loyalty to those you love. You have much inner strength. You have a diplomatic flair to your nature. Equality and fairness are important to you. You can be quite inventive and quite curious. You try to be prudent. You have good business acumen.
marie :
You want to be productive and feel useful, and enjoy helping solve problems. You like to be busy and not waste time. You have much enthusiasm with a driving attitude toward achievement in life. You enjoy a challenge. You can take thought-directed actions. You are relatively demonstrative in your affections. You enjoy being stroked verbally and physically. You need to learn to be expressive. You are a person who cannot tolerate being misunderstood.
hoffmann :
You are an 11th hour person, always succeeding just in the nick of time. The lesson of money is prominent in your life. You need to learn flexibility. You are naturally friendly. You can be the life of the party. You need to learn the true meaning of friendship. You need to learn when to let go. You have a need to be up front. You can handle details well. You have a methodical mind. You must learn to give 'wise' service and not be a martyr.
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Monday, November 15th, 2004
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1:18 am
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all of this rambling are the reasons why i did my senior exit on the fundamental attribution error(which is basically wrongfully judging people), because it REALLY DOES interest me, i just love to understand... people.
i'm going to try to make as much sense as i can without sounding motherly or coming off in a way that i don't mean to.
I'm not old at all, I haven't experienced nearly half the things in life that I ever will and I haven't come near to experiencing things in life that some people have, and I never will. I have learned so far though, that a hard thing in life to do, is look at every view point. I noticed we've got some pretty close-minded people in the world today, and I've found in life that one of the most important things for a person to accomplish is to be able to put yourself in another persons shoes, and try to understand WHY they're doing what they're doing, good or bad. If you are able to do this, things can be so much easier. People's reasons for the things that they do may not always be right, they may not always be justifiable, but just knowing them can make things so much easier.
Everyone judges people, most everyone listens to rumors, that's part of life, but EVERYONE has flaws, regardless. The reason this is so important to me at this point in time is because I analyze people to much. I'm in my last year of highschool, and I'm hurt by so many things. So many truthes about people are being brought out, whether it's seeing them now that they have a boyfriend, or getting in a fight with them or just spending a lot of time with them, you just learn things about them.
You notice all of their flaws and in my case, are easily hurt by things they may do. If I were to weed out all of my friends that have some extreme character flaw or moral completely opposite mine, I wouldn't have any friends left.
Like everyone knows, no one is perfect. I have some friends who are conceited, some friends who can come off as very rude, some friends who are very jealous, I may not agree with any of these characteristics but I've come to understand why they are the way they are. I've learned a valuable lesson about relationships, when your best friend becomes seriously involved and seems to forget about you, you will be hurt if they meant anything to you, but sometimes you have to try to understand that they're caught up in a moment, the feeling they have for this person is unlike anything else they've ever felt before and they tend to forget about the things and people around them, no this isn't right, but sometimes you just have to try to understand that everyone is not out to do wrong and hurt you.
I recently got in an argument with a friend who I had been friends with for almost 7 years, and even though I don't agree with her at all in the matter, because of the fact that I know her well, I know exactly why she feels the way she does, why her opinions won't change and how she handles it.
Everyone may not be situationally accrediting the person, which is VERY important when analyzing character, if you are unable to do it, you shouldn't judge at all. When I say situationally accrediting, I mean- taking into account the situation that may cause this person to be this way or come off this way, and attributing this to the situation rather than the person.
I think sometimes we spend too little time judging our own flaws and too much time judging everyone elses.
This probably made no sense, and was completely random, but I hope that I made some kind of point. :-/
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